It's been a while, a long while, I haven't wanted to write these stuff down, but I don't want to forget it either. The thing is, I am not myself , and I hate it, there are times I barely recognize myself. I feel hopeless, depressed, angry, but most of all, I am scared. Part of me just want to end this, but then part of me reluctant to move on, so I need to find a way through this, no matter what it takes.
But now for the first time in a while , there is hope. Believe me, I stoned and laugh like a little girl and then I felt the heart pumping deadly fast. If I can get it .. I have been thinking about this matter since this few days ,of course I know there is some pain and sadness besides excitement, but definitely I'll go for it IF I CAN GET IT , with my toughest strength, no matter what it takes . But if I didn't get it , then I will continue my life and enjoy myself to the fullest, My promise.
